Sometimes, especially to stop dangerous or inappropriate behavior, it’s better to say “no” followed by a firm but polite explanation. If you use “no thanks” instead of “no”, please correct yourself. It also models the ability to backtrack and correct mistakes, which is an important lesson in itself.
- Good work
Positive evidence is a good thing, but it must be expressed effectively. “Good job” is an example of a compliment that backfires. Such praise can lead children to seek external reassurance instead of their natural curiosity and inner drive. In addition, phrases such as “good job” and “proud of you” may sound reflexive or casually pleasant, so children are not effectively affirmed or valued. Also, this type of praise is achievement-based, meaning that it depends on when the child achieves and behaves correctly. This can lead to low self-esteem.
Instead, the child’s sense of achievement is “you did it!” and so on. You can also describe the task and praise how the child coped with it. “I see you solved that puzzle all by yourself. “You were so patient.” This teaches the child about the benefits of his achievements, which will encourage him to repeat or do something similar. “I’m proud of you” sounds similar to “You must be really proud of yourself,” but they send different messages. [2]
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