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- You are very smart/You are the best
Such language puts pressure on children. American psychologist Carol Dweck said that children who hear this believe that they should get everything right on the first try. Instead of working to improve their skills, they feel that their abilities are fixed. For example, a parent may tell a child that he is very smart at solving math problems, but when he sees an equation he can’t solve, he will think he is not so smart. In general, telling a child that they are the best at something puts pressure on them and makes them feel that their parents’ love depends on their performance.
Or choose a phrase that praises effort and notes how much the child enjoys a particular activity. “What parents need to know is that the best motivation is to enjoy what your child is doing,” Markham said.
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